If you’re navigating empty nesting right now and feeling like you’re the only one crying in your Cheerios while everyone else seems fine, this episode is your permission slip to feel ALL the feelings. Jen sits down with podcast OG and dear friend Lizzie Bermudez to have the most honest conversation about the grief nobody talks about when your kids leave, why being a highly sensitive person is actually a superpower, and how empty nesting might just reignite your marriage in unexpected ways.

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From Lizzie’s experience sending her daughter to boarding school a year early to Jen’s sobbing on planes after dropping her son at college, this conversation gets real about the beautiful mess of launching your kids into the world. You’ll laugh, you might cry (we definitely did), and you’ll walk away knowing you’re not alone in this transition—plus you’ll get the game-changing “cherish, don’t mourn” mindset shift that will help you navigate these final moments at home.

Key Takeaways:

• The grief is real and valid – Empty nesting hits harder than expected, even when you’ve always worked and weren’t hovering over your kids
• “Cherish, don’t mourn” mindset – How to reframe those “last” moments into opportunities to be present instead of pre-grieving what’s to come
• Your marriage might surprise you – Why empty nesting can move you from transactional conversations to actual connection and rediscovering each other
• Friendship is your lifeline – The longevity research proves community extends your life, and leaning into girlfriends is non-negotiable right now
• You’re not too fucking old to start something new – This transition is equal parts terrifying and exciting, and it might just be the beginning of your best chapter

Lizzie Says: You’re Not Too F***ing Old! To try something new!

Learn more about Jen Marples at https://www.jenmarples.com

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Ep 1 – Embracing Change

Ep 127 – Breaking Down Ageism in Pop Culture

Ep 131 – Empty Nest and Dualities

Ep 175 – Midlife Pivot

Ep 210 – When Your Child Struggles: A Midlife Mom’s Guide to Survival and Self-Care

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When Your Kids Leave Home: A Real Guide to Surviving (and Thriving) Through Empty Nest Syndrome

You drop your kid off at college. You hold it together. You smile. You hug them goodbye. Then you get in the car and completely fall apart.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re not overreacting. You’re experiencing something that millions of parents go through but rarely talk about honestly: empty nest grief.

This article is for you if your kids are leaving home soon, if they just left, or if you’re currently sitting in their empty bedroom wondering what just happened to your life. It’s also for you if you think you’ll be fine when they leave—but want to prepare yourself just in case you’re not.

Based on a raw and honest conversation between podcast host Jen Marples and content creator Lizzie Bermudez (who recently sent her daughter to boarding school a year earlier than expected), this guide walks you through the emotional reality of empty nesting. You’ll learn why the grief hits harder than you expect, how to reframe your mindset, what happens to your marriage, and why your friendships might become the most important relationships in your life right now.

This matters because empty nesting is one of life’s biggest transitions. Yet somehow, we treat it like it should be no big deal. Everyone does it, right? Your parents did it. Your friends are doing it. So why does it feel like your heart is breaking?

Let’s talk about it.

Are you ready for this conversation?

This guide is honest. It doesn’t sugarcoat the hard parts. If you want someone to tell you that empty nesting is all freedom and joy and finally getting your life back, this isn’t that article. But if you want the truth—the messy, complicated, beautiful truth about what happens when your kids leave home—keep reading.

This makes sense for you if you’re willing to feel your feelings instead of stuffing them down. It makes sense if you’re open to the idea that you can be heartbroken and excited at the same time. It makes sense if you want practical strategies for getting through this transition without losing yourself in the process.

What you’ll need:

• Honesty with yourself about how you’re really feeling
• At least one good friend you can call when you’re crying in your car
• Permission to grieve something that isn’t a death but still feels like a loss
• Willingness to try new things and reimagine your life
• A support system (friends, online communities, therapy, or all of the above)
• Time and patience with yourself as you adjust to this new normal

Step-by-Step Guide

Step 1: Understand That Empty Nest Grief Is Real (And Stop Apologizing For It)

Here’s what nobody tells you: sending your kids off to college or boarding school can feel like grief. Actual grief. The kind that makes you sob on airplanes and walk around your house in a daze wondering what just happened. You might feel sick to your stomach. You might cry for days. You might look at their empty bedroom and feel like someone punched you in the chest.

And here’s the thing that makes it even harder—everyone expects you to be fine. After all, this is what you’ve been working toward for 18 years, right? This is the goal. Launch them successfully. Watch them fly. Be proud. But nobody mentions that watching them fly away can break your heart into a thousand pieces.

The problem is that we don’t talk about empty nest grief like it’s legitimate. We treat it like something you should just get over. People say things like “put your big girl panties on” or “they’ll be back, don’t worry” or “isn’t this what you wanted?” And when you hear that, you start to think something is wrong with you. You start to apologize for your feelings. You hide your tears. You pretend you’re fine when you’re absolutely not fine. The truth is that grief doesn’t just show up when someone dies.

Grief shows up whenever you experience loss. And empty nesting is loss. You lose the daily presence of your child. You lose the rhythm and routine of your family life. You lose being needed in that specific way. You lose a version of yourself—the you who was actively parenting young people living under your roof. That loss is real. Your grief is valid. And you don’t need to apologize for it or minimize it or compare it to anyone else’s experience.

Key Takeaways:

• Empty nest grief is a legitimate form of loss, not something you need to “get over” quickly
• You’re not “too sensitive” if you feel this deeply—some people are empaths who feel everything intensely
• Grief can show up as physical symptoms: crying, feeling sick, being unable to sleep, or walking around in a daze
• Other people’s dismissive comments (“they’ll be fine!”) don’t invalidate your feelings
• Just because “everyone goes through this” doesn’t mean it’s easy or that your pain doesn’t matter
• Give yourself permission to feel without judgment or comparison to how others handle it

Step 2: Stop Mourning the “Lasts” and Start Cherishing the “Firsts”

You know what makes empty nesting harder? The way we talk about it. Your kid’s senior year becomes “the last year at home.” Every family dinner is “one of our last family dinners.” Every vacation is “our last family vacation before college.” Every milestone is wrapped in this heavy blanket of finality. And all that does is make you sad before you even need to be sad. It’s called pre-grieving, and it steals the joy from moments that should still be joyful.

Instead of being present and enjoying your kid while they’re still home, you’re already mourning their absence. You’re sitting at the dinner table thinking “this is one of the last times” instead of actually being at the dinner table. Here’s a better approach: stop using the word “last.” Start using the word “first.” When your daughter goes to boarding school, that’s not the last time she lives at home. That’s the first time she gets to experience independence with support.

When your son leaves for college, that’s not the last family vacation. That’s the first time he gets to come home and tell you about his new life. This isn’t just positive thinking. This is a real mindset shift that changes how you experience this transition. And if “first” doesn’t work for you, try “cherish.” Cherish this moment. Cherish this dinner. Cherish this conversation. Don’t mourn it before it’s even over. You can still cry. You can still feel sad. But you’ll leave those moments with a different imprint in your heart and mind. You’ll remember the joy instead of just the sadness.

Key Takeaways:

• Pre-grieving steals joy from moments that should still be happy
• Replace “last” language with “first” language to reframe the experience as a beginning, not an ending
• Use the word “cherish” to stay present instead of mourning moments before they’re even over
• Your kids will come back—for holidays, for summer, for visits—so it’s not actually “the last” of anything
• This mindset shift doesn’t erase the sadness, but it changes how you hold these memories
• Focus on the opportunity ahead for your child instead of only the loss you feel

Step 3: Give Yourself a Job (And Make It About Them, Not You)

When your kid is about to leave home, you have one main job: launch them with confidence. Your feelings matter. Your grief is real. But your kid doesn’t need to see all of it. They need to see you believe in them. They need to feel excited, not guilty. They need to walk into their new life feeling supported, not worried about you back home. This doesn’t mean you fake it. It means you’re strategic about when and where you process your emotions. You can cry in the car. You can sob on the plane ride home. You can walk around your empty house and feel all the feelings. But when you’re with them—especially in those final moments—your job is to build them up.

Think of it like packing an emotional suitcase for them. Every encouraging word you say, every moment of confidence you give them, every time you tell them how proud you are—that goes in their suitcase. Then when you’re gone and they’re in their dorm room or their new school, they can reach into that suitcase and pull out your words. They can remember how you made them feel. And that will carry them through the hard moments.

One parent described dropping her daughter at boarding school as “awful” and “sucked,” but she didn’t let her daughter see her cry. She saved that for later. She focused on feeding her daughter little nuggets of encouragement and love. She made it about the daughter’s success, not about her own sadness. That’s the job. And once you have a job to do, it gives you something to focus on besides your own breaking heart.

Key Takeaways:

• Your primary job is to launch your child with confidence and excitement, not guilt or worry
• Save your tears for the car, plane, or empty house—not for the goodbye moment with your child
• Think of yourself as packing an “emotional suitcase” full of encouragement they can access later
• Your child needs to know this is a “first” for the whole family, including you learning to let go
• Building them up doesn’t mean you’re faking your feelings—it means you’re being strategic about timing
• Once they’re settled, you can process your own emotions without it affecting their transition

Step 4: Walk Through the Grief (Don’t Set Up Camp In It)

After they leave, the grief will hit. Maybe right away. Maybe a few weeks later. Maybe on their 18th birthday when you realize you’re not celebrating with them for the first time ever. The grief will come. And when it does, you need to feel it. This is not optional. You can’t skip this part. You can’t just distract yourself or stay busy or pretend everything is fine. You have to walk through it. But here’s the important part: you walk through it. You don’t pitch your tent there.

Someone once said, “It’s okay to feel this way, but don’t pitch your tent in the grief.” That image is perfect. You can visit the grief. You can sit in it. You can let it wash over you. But you don’t live there. You don’t make it your permanent home. Because here’s what happens when you pitch your tent in grief: you start to identify with it. You become “the sad empty nester.” You make the sadness your whole personality. And then you miss out on everything good that’s happening right now.

The key is to pitch your tent in the middle. In the middle of the grief and the excitement. In the middle of the sadness and the hope. In the middle of missing them and being proud of them. That’s where you want to be. Not denying the hard feelings, but also not drowning in them. You can hold two things at the same time. You can be heartbroken that your son is 3,000 miles away and also excited about what you’re going to do with your newfound time. You can cry when you walk past their bedroom and also feel grateful they’re thriving. Both things can be true.

Key Takeaways:

• You must actually feel the grief—you can’t skip this part by staying busy or distracted
• The grief might hit immediately or weeks later (like on their first birthday away from home)
• “Walk through” the grief instead of setting up permanent residence in it
• Pitch your tent in the middle—between the sadness and the excitement, the loss and the possibility
• You can hold two contradictory emotions at once: heartbreak and hope, sadness and pride
• Don’t make grief your identity or your whole personality during this transition

Step 5: Rediscover Your Marriage (Yes, Really)

Here’s what one parent admitted: she was actually nervous about being alone in the house with her husband. She loves him. But the thought of just the two of them, all the time, with no kids as a buffer? That was scary. And that’s more common than you think. When you have kids at home, so much of your conversation with your partner is transactional. “Did you pick her up?” “Don’t forget the game tomorrow.” “We need to buy new cleats.” “Can you drive to practice?” It’s scheduling and logistics and coordination. You’re running a family operation together. But you’re not necessarily connecting.

Then the kids leave. And suddenly you’re sitting across the table from this person, and you have to actually talk. About real things. About feelings and dreams and what comes next. That can be terrifying. Or it can be amazing. For many couples, empty nesting becomes like the early days of marriage again. Without the constant transactional noise, you remember why you liked each other in the first place. You can have actual date nights. You can have spontaneous conversations that don’t revolve around your kids’ schedules. You can have sex again without worrying about thin walls and kids being home. You can make plans that are just for the two of you.

But this doesn’t happen automatically. You have to choose it. You have to lean into this new phase instead of just coexisting in the same house. You have to ask each other real questions. Make plans together. Reconnect. Some couples realize they’ve been hanging on for the kids, and now that thread breaks. Other couples discover a whole new chapter they didn’t know was possible. The difference is whether you approach it with intention or just let it happen to you.

Key Takeaways:

• Many couples realize most of their conversations have been transactional (schedules, logistics, coordination)
• Empty nesting can feel scary if you’ve used kids as a “buffer” between you and your spouse
• This transition can revive your marriage and make you feel like newlyweds again
• You can have actual date nights, deeper conversations, and improved intimacy without kids at home
• This doesn’t happen automatically—you have to intentionally lean in and reconnect
• Some couples thrive in this phase, others realize they were only holding on for the kids

Step 6: Lean Into Female Friendships Like Your Life Depends On It (Because It Kind of Does)

Research shows that the number one predictor of longevity isn’t exercise or diet or supplements. It’s community. It’s having deep, meaningful relationships. It’s having people you can call when you’re falling apart. And for most women going through midlife transitions, that means female friendships. This is not a nice-to-have. This is a need-to-have.

You need friends who will sit with you while you cry. Friends who will take you out to dinner and talk until 1:00 in the morning. Friends who understand what you’re going through because they’re going through it too. Friends who won’t tell you to “just get over it” or “stop being so sensitive.” You need friends who see your grief and say, “Do you want me to cry with you?” instead of “Put your big girl panties on.” The problem is that making and maintaining friendships takes effort. Especially in midlife when everyone is busy and exhausted and stretched thin. But this is when you need them most.

So here’s what you do: you prioritize it. You schedule dinners. You set up coffee dates. You text your friends and actually make plans instead of just saying “we should get together sometime.” You join events, even when you don’t feel like it. You show up to book signings and women’s retreats and community gatherings, even if you don’t know anyone. You slide into someone’s DMs on social media and say, “Hey, I feel like we’d be friends in real life.” And yes, sometimes people will blow you off or not respond or cancel plans. That’s fine. Move on to the next person. Because the friends you do connect with? Those relationships will literally extend your life.

Key Takeaways:

• Community and deep friendships are the number one predictor of longevity and happiness
• You need friends who will validate your feelings, not dismiss them with “tough love”
• Female friendships become crucial during midlife transitions like empty nesting
• Making friends takes effort—you have to schedule dinners, coffees, and actual plans
• Attend events, join groups, or connect with people online even if it feels uncomfortable
• Some people won’t respond or will cancel—that’s okay, keep reaching out to others
• These friendships aren’t just nice to have—they’re essential for your wellbeing

Step 7: Remember: These Are the Good Old Days

In 15 years, you’ll look back at this time and think, “Those were the good old days.” You’ll remember this season—the one you’re in right now—with fondness. Even the hard parts. Even the crying. Even the grief. Because you’ll realize that this was the beginning of something new. This was when you figured out who you were outside of being a full-time parent. This was when you reconnected with your spouse. This was when you deepened your friendships.

This was when you finally had time to pursue the ideas that had been percolating for years. But you can’t see that clearly when you’re in it. When you’re in it, all you can see is the empty bedroom and the missing kid and the hole in your daily routine. So you have to remind yourself: these are the good old days. Right now. Not 15 years from now. Right now. This doesn’t mean you force yourself to be happy. It doesn’t mean you pretend the grief isn’t real. It just means you hold space for the possibility that something good is coming. That this transition—as painful as it is—is leading somewhere worth going. And maybe, just maybe, you’re not too old to start something new. Maybe this is exactly the right time. Maybe the best is yet to come.

Key Takeaways:

• Future you will look back at this time period as “the good old days,” even the hard parts
• You’re living through a major beginning, not just an ending
• This is when you figure out who you are outside of being a full-time parent
• The pain you feel right now is part of a transition that’s leading somewhere good
• You don’t have to force happiness, just hold space for the possibility of something better
• You’re not too old to start something new—this might be exactly the right time

Conclusion

Empty nesting isn’t just about your kids leaving. It’s about you staying. It’s about what you do with the space they leave behind. It’s about whether you fill that space with grief alone or with grief and possibility together.

The big idea here is this: you can feel heartbroken and hopeful at the same time. You can cry about what you’re losing and be excited about what you’re gaining. You can miss your kids desperately and still enjoy your newfound freedom. These things are not contradictions. They’re the messy, beautiful reality of being human.

Here are the steps to implement these ideas successfully:

1. Acknowledge your grief as legitimate and stop apologizing for feeling deeply about this transition
2. Reframe “lasts” as “firsts” and focus on cherishing moments instead of pre-grieving them
3. Launch your kids with confidence by saving your tears for later and packing their emotional suitcase with encouragement
4. Walk through the grief without setting up camp by pitching your tent in the middle of sadness and hope
5. Reconnect with your spouse intentionally and rediscover the relationship you had before kids took over
6. Prioritize female friendships like your life depends on it, because research shows it kind of does
7. Remember these are the good old days and stay open to the possibility that something good is coming

You’re not too old to start something new. This phase might feel terrifying and exciting all at once. And that’s exactly how it should feel.

Your kids are going to be fine. The real question is: are you ready to be fine too? Are you ready to stop just surviving this transition and start actually living in it?

Because on the other side of this grief is a version of you that you haven’t met yet. A version with more time, more freedom, more space to breathe. A version who remembers who she was before she became “Mom” as her primary identity.

That version of you is waiting. And she’s worth getting to know.