As a midlife entrepreneur and coach, I thought I had it all together. I was crushing my business goals, supporting my family, and always there for my friends. But something was wrong. I was exhausted, resentful, and constantly running on empty. That’s when I discovered the game-changing concept of high-functioning codependency.
What Is High-Functioning Codependency?
Most people hear “codependency” and imagine someone enabling an addict or staying in a toxic relationship. But high-functioning codependency is far more insidious. It’s the pattern of successful, capable women who are constantly solving everyone else’s problems at the expense of their own well-being.
When I interviewed Terri Cole, a renowned psychotherapist, she explained it perfectly: “High-functioning codependency is when you are overly invested in the feeling states, outcomes, and circumstances of the people in your life to the detriment of your own internal peace.”
The Telltale Signs You Might Be a High-Functioning Codependent
If you’re nodding along to these traits, you’re not alone:
1. Constant People-Pleasing
You’re the go-to person everyone relies on. Whether it’s a work crisis or a friend’s personal emergency, you’re always the first to jump in and solve the problem.
2. Hyper-Independence
Asking for help feels impossible. You’d rather do everything yourself than risk appearing vulnerable or needing support.
3. Over-Giving and Self-Sacrificing
Your own needs always come last. You’ll work late, skip self-care, and exhaust yourself to help others.
4. Anticipatory Planning
You’re always three steps ahead, trying to prevent problems before they happen. This constant mental gymnastics is exhausting.
The Hidden Costs of High-Functioning Codependency
This pattern isn’t just emotionally draining – it has real consequences:
• Burnout and Exhaustion
• Resentment in Relationships
• Missed Personal and Professional Opportunities
• Compromised Mental and Physical Health
Breaking Free: Practical Strategies for Recovery
Terri shared some transformative strategies for breaking the cycle:
1. Practice Saying No
Before committing to anything, ask yourself two crucial questions:
– Do I have the bandwidth to do this without becoming resentful?
– Do I actually want to do this?
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Your boundaries are your personal rules of engagement. They communicate what’s okay and what’s not okay in your relationships.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
Start investing in yourself. This means saying yes to your needs, your passions, and your well-being.
4. Seek Support
Consider therapy, coaching, or joining a community of women working through similar challenges.
The Healing Journey
Recovery from high-functioning codependency isn’t about becoming selfish. It’s about creating balanced, authentic relationships where you’re not constantly sacrificing yourself.
Recognizing these patterns was the first step to true freedom for me. I started setting boundaries, saying no without guilt, and prioritizing my own needs. The result? More meaningful relationships, increased energy, and a sense of peace I’d never experienced before.
Your Next Steps
If you’re resonating with this, you’re not alone. Here are some actionable steps:
• Download Terri Cole’s free High-Functioning Codependency Toolkit
• Reflect on your own patterns of people-pleasing
• Start small – practice saying no to one thing this week
• Consider professional support if you’re struggling
Remember, you’re not broken. You’re a powerful, capable woman who’s learning to put herself first.
High-functioning codependency is a learned behavior, which means it can be unlearned. Your worth is not determined by how much you do for others. You are valuable simply because you exist.
Are you ready to break free and reclaim your life? The journey starts now.
Terri Cole Says: You’re Not Too F***ing Old! To up your erotic intelligence.
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Unedited AI Transcript Here
CONNECT WITH TERRI COLE:
Free HFC Toolkit
